Physical Issues, Mental Blocks, and the Fun of Riding

Hello from S.C.E.T Headquarters! It has been a long time since I have updated this blog. I have been having some issues with the 'girls' (Tokaj and Savannah if you are wondering who the girls are...).

PHYSICAL ISSUES:
Miss Tokaj went back into steady training... and steadily did worse and worse until I could no longer blame myself for bad riding, and realized that she is having physical issues. On one hand, it is nice to know that I don't stink that badly at riding, and on the other hand... my hopes and dreams horse is uncertain. Tokaj has been off for three weeks following my second attempt at fox hunting. She started having trouble getting her front feet out of the way of her hinds. In four days she destroyed three sets of bell boots. I thought it might be that she was shod differently than she was last time she was in training (before the baby), and that she needed something else done. My farrier suspected lameness and did some flexions tests and they came up positive. Sigh. My super tough Hungarian mare is now mortal. She has arthritis from years of jumping which is not unheard of or unmanageable. So, I have rested her for three weeks, put her on Adequan and injectable joint fluid enhancer (for lack of a better explanation). She also has been given a feed additive for joint care that has anti-inflammatory properties kind of like a human on ibuprofen. Today was her first day back in work and by the happy expression and springiness in her step, I would say that we are finally back on track! She is slated for a few weeks of slowly returning to work with constant evaluation of her soundness.

MENTAL BLOCKS:
This has been hands down the hardest return to training that I have ever experienced. I used to ride anything and everything without fear and with confidence that while I may not be the best rider, I was certainly competent. Well... not anymore.

I have spent the last several weeks, during Tokaj's downward spiral, beating myself up about how awful I am. Everything feels wrong and instead of feeling at home on a horse, I feel like my body is an alien. I know that I need to get into some clinics and lessons to get this riding season started, but I am so nervous because I don't know myself, or my horse at this point. I can just envision myself telling Mr. Clinician that, "I don't know" what level I am at, "I don't know" if I can still jump any sort of fence, and "I don't know" if I even belong at his clinic!! It is really an unsettling thing.

My friend Tammy has been a wonderful support system and has offered me her lovely, and well-trained horse to take lessons on... but even that intimidates me. I know, I know, for those of you who know me, you are needing to pick your jaw up off the floor. Tammy has a nice, enormous Clydesdale Thoroughbred cross who has a lot of training and is completely reliable. I am nervous about messing up Tammy's horse... and nervous about generally making a you-know-what of myself at an upcoming clinic. By the way, the clinic is in ONE WEEK. It is taught by Moray Nicholson, a British trainer who I liked when I audited his last clinic. Tokaj is not going to be ready for the level of work necessary at a clinic, so I have comitted to riding Tammy's mare Chloe. Did I mention that I have ridden Chloe once, and while some things went well.... I had to ask Tammy how to get her to canter? Tammy says I have a mental block and need to just get out there and do it. So... I am taking her advice. I will write about the clinic in two weeks. Yikes.

FUN OF RIDING:
What I learned during this downturn of luck and subsequent fall-out, I have at lease re-prioritized not only my competition season (what competition?), but also my reasons for riding. I am going to focus on the step I need to take today and enjoy it, rather than focusing too far into the future and trying to be show-ready each day. Someday, I hope I will look up and realize that I am ready for a competition, and lo and behold, there will be one waiting for me.

Happy Riding (literally!)
P~